More and more, I get daily, if not hourly reminders that I am over 50. I don’t like it, but as my mother says, the alternative isn’t so hot. So in the vein of Jeff Foxworthy, here goes.
You know you’re over 50 when:
- going to the pharmacy is part of your regular errands.
- loud music in cars stopped next to you at a traffic light annoy you, especially when they are drowning out NPR on your radio.
- doctors all look like Doogie Howser, except the ones that look like Barbie. And you actually know who Doogie Howser is.
- hair is growing in places it doesn’t belong, but you hardly care because you can’t see it when you look up close in the mirror.
- speaking of mirrors, the kind that flips between normal and magnification? Now they are always on the magnification side.
- a wardrobe change means changing between an array of different eyeglasses for different purposes.
- your knees make a weird crunching sound when you go up stairs.
- cats like to sit on your lap because you don’t move much once you sit down.
- the AARP has killed a tree or two trying to get you to join.
- a drug test concerns you because you have to actually list all the prescribed drugs you are taking and you might forget something.
- while waiting at the dentist’s office, you pick up Architectural Digest instead of People.
- speaking of People magazine, you don’t even know the people on the cover.
- a Saturday night of board games with friends makes you tired and ready for bed.
- all the “fun” drugs make you sick to your stomach.
- you can remember not only what a slide rule looks like, but how to use it.
- you drive a car that cops don’t look twice at.
- getting pulled over at a sobriety checkpoint is interesting, but you worry about the balance test because you recently had knee surgery.
When I think of more, I’ll add them on. I need to stop now and take a nap.