I haven’t blogged in so long it’s simply pathetic. But I’m still alive. Barely. I finished the spring semester of classes with my poor, aching menopause-soaked brain intact. Well, sort of. I’m now in summer school, but it’s relatively low key. I’m a teaching assistant for the very class I just finished taking, and it is very humbling because it shows me how quickly I have forgotten everything I just learned. Very sad indeed. And still the vast majority of the students in the class are far younger than me and grew up with games and computers, so their minds work at warp speed. I feel like they are circling me like sharks. It’s unnerving. They can quickly ask me questions at the same time point out the mistakes I make at answering them. Damn.
Which brings me to my point of frustration. I have had an interest in teaching at the community college level for several years, but knew that I needed a masters degree to do it. Since I am now on the waiting list for my allied health program, I thought this would be a good time to start an MBA, right? The only thing standing in my way is a little thing called the GMAT since my undergrad GPA was high enough. No big deal, just brush up on a few things and take a test. I was always decent in math and verbal skills, so it should be easy enough. Or so I thought.
Wrong again, addle-brained one. I got this prep book and took some of the “diagnostic” and practice tests, and pretty much failed every one of them. It’s like those computer games invented for 12 year-olds – those with brains that can function at warp speed do the best. Those of us who take our time and think things through – well, is there a polite way of saying “you are toast, you suck”. In my day of game playing (this will “date” me), it would have been a “tilt” and the game would have been over (remember pinball?).
So here is my version of some of the GMAT practice questions:
- If the sky in a Van Gogh painting is red and the building is green, what is the length of the hypotenuse of a right triangle with one leg having a length of (X * blue)?
- bribe a contractor to calculate the length for you
- Y * pink
- who cares? no one in business cares about the arts except as a tax write off.
- red & green are Christmas colors, so the length of any piece of garland strung by elves across the hypotenuse
- not enough data to guess an answer
- A scientist is studying the correlation of global warming to the increase of methane between the layers of suburban insulation. In order to study this, he has imbedded sensors in walls of homes to “sniff” and measure the amount of methane gas that was produced by the insulation in the walls. At the same time, lab assistants were installed in the homes to count the number of farts produced by the occupants in order to subtract these from the calculation. What statement below is an assumption in the scientist’s study?
- farts are propelling the rotation of the earth, and lab assistants need to be in every home in suburbia to ensure that people continue to fart
- the government should fund this study in order to make sure that real science is not lost to theology
- Al Gore is a major farter
- Van Gogh never farted. That’s why he saw things in different colors.
- all of the above
- If Y = T, and X + 7 = F, W * 2 = 49/7, then WTF = ?
- T = tarantula
- can we please use calculators, I mean seriously!
- W = what
- I think we know where this is going
- let’s not get vulgar
- If a crowd is standing before a long field yelling loudly but speaking in soft whispers, a speech is not given to be plausible in the long term technologically due to the fence of transmission. Prevention of softness is possible, but not a speed trap set up to determine how to implement in the long term. If the permeability is a flag of a bridge of toilet paper, then what option is the best contradiction?
- jump from a bungee cord with general ledger software
- step forward under a flying rug with pierced lemon drops
- eat pizza through your nose with asparagus into cactus flowers
- throw rocks at tomatoes when the clock strikes 27 o’clock
- none of the above
Okay, I think you get the idea. I mean really, what do these questions on this test measure except that you have figured out how to play the game. I guess that is what business is all about – how to play the game. But it is frustrating for a menopause brain, I’m telling you.