I have written a little about my father having health issues.  His problems stem from a syndrome in which is his involuntary nervous system slowly stops functioning which causes all kinds of problems, including shrinkage of the brain and dementia that results from that.  Because of his high level of intelligence, he was able to "fake" his sanity for quite a while whenever he talked to health and emergency professionals.  This includes the police which he occasionally called to the house when he was delusional.  He is now in full-time skilled nursing care because his physical and mental functioning has deteriorated to the point that my mother cannot care for him.  He still insists nothing is wrong with him, but is no longer able to convince anyone of this.

I have recently had some experiences that have helped me to understand my father's mindset.  I feel very fortunate to have inherited both of my parents' intelligence.  I've done well in school over the years, and understanding abstract concepts has normally been a skill I have excelled at accomplishing.  Math, spelling, and grammar never gave me much problems.  Until the last few years.

I took several standardized tests that required me to brush up on my math skills back in 2002 and another one around 2003, and breezed through all of them - no problems.  Recently, I tried to brush up on my math skills to take the GMAT, and nothing was working correctly in my head.  The simplest arithmetic concepts not only were no longer in my head, but I couldn't refresh them and make them "stick".  I had been noticing in the past few years that remembering things - simple things - like my zip code, or how to spell words, or even a word I wanted to use in a sentence - would often elude me.  Sometimes I thought I was going nuts.  The amount of study effort that it required for me to succeed in my college classes was much higher than it used to be.  Plus, I was listening much slower than I used to.  But I chalked it up to menopausal brain fog.  And the fact that technology was simply speeding up people around me.  But I worried that I was getting early dementia like my father!

One of the classes I recently completed was Anatomy & Physiology.  We studied how neurotransmitters work inside the brain.  That made me wonder if any medication could cause this change in cognitive function that I was experiencing.  Low and behold, I discovered that a medication that I started taking several years ago, Topamax, indeed has a known set of side effects of impairing memory and cognitive function (like spelling and word recall).  Unfortunately, part of the problem is I can't remember when the symptoms started and I can't remember when I started taking the medication to know if the two absolutely correlate with one another.

I can honestly say that I have not had any severe migraines since I started taking the medication, but if the cost is that I can no longer function at my peak intelligence, then the cost is too high.  I'll take a few headaches and mood swings for the ability to solve a polynomial, thank you.

      

I haven't blogged in so long it's simply pathetic.  But I'm still alive.  Barely.  I finished the spring semester of classes with my poor, aching menopause-soaked brain intact.  Well, sort of.  I'm now in summer school, but it's relatively low key.  I'm a teaching assistant for the very class I just finished taking, and it is very humbling because it shows me how quickly I have forgotten everything I just learned.  Very sad indeed.  And still the vast majority of the students in the class are far younger than me and grew up with games and computers, so their minds work at warp speed.  I feel like they are circling me like sharks.  It's unnerving.  They can quickly ask me questions at the same time point out the mistakes I make at answering them.  Damn.

Which brings me to my point of frustration.  I have had an interest in teaching at the community college level for several years, but knew that I needed a masters degree to do it.  Since I am now on the waiting list for my allied health program, I thought this would be a good time to start an MBA, right?  The only thing standing in my way is a little thing called the GMAT since my undergrad GPA was high enough.  No big deal, just brush up on a few things and take a test.  I was always decent in math and verbal skills, so it should be easy enough.  Or so I thought.

Wrong again, addle-brained one.  I got this prep book and took some of the "diagnostic" and practice tests, and pretty much failed every one of them.  It's like those computer games invented for 12 year-olds - those with brains that can function at warp speed do the best.  Those of us who take our time and think things through - well, is there a polite way of saying "you are toast, you suck".  In my day of game playing (this will "date" me), it would have been a "tilt" and the game would have been over (remember pinball?).

So here is my version of some of the GMAT practice questions:

1. If the sky in a Van Gogh painting is red and the building is green, what is the length of the hypotenuse of a right triangle with one leg  having a length of (X * blue)?
   • bribe a contractor to calculate the length for you
   • Y * pink
   • who cares?  no one in business cares about  the arts except as a tax write off.
   • red & green are Christmas colors, so the length of any piece of garland strung by elves across the hypotenuse
   • not enough data to guess an answer
2. A scientist is studying  the correlation of global warming to the increase of methane between the layers of suburban insulation.  In order to study this, he has imbedded sensors in walls of homes to "sniff" and measure the amount of methane gas that was produced by the insulation in the walls.  At the same time, lab assistants were installed in the homes to count the number of farts produced by the occupants in order to subtract these from the calculation.  What statement below is an assumption in the scientist's study?
   • farts are propelling the rotation of the earth, and lab assistants need to be in every home in suburbia to ensure that people continue to fart
   • the government should fund this study in order to make sure that real science is not lost to theology
   • Al Gore is a major farter
   • Van Gogh never farted.  That's why he saw things in different colors.
   • all of the above
3. If Y = T, and X + 7 = F, W * 2 = 49/7, then WTF = ?
   • T = tarantula
   • can we please use calculators, I mean seriously!
   • W = what
   • I think we know where this is going
   • let's not get vulgar
4. If a crowd is standing before a long field yelling loudly but speaking in soft whispers, a speech is not given to be plausible in the long term technologically due to the fence of transmission.  Prevention of softness is possible, but not a speed trap set up to determine how to implement in the long term.  If the permeability is a flag of a bridge of toilet paper, then what option is the best contradiction?
   • jump from a bungee cord with general ledger software
   • step forward under a flying rug with pierced lemon drops
   • eat pizza through your nose with asparagus into cactus flowers
   • throw rocks at tomatoes when the clock strikes 27 o'clock
   • none of the above

Okay, I think you get the idea.  I mean really, what do these questions on this test measure except that you have figured out how to play the game.  I guess that is what business is all about - how to play the game.  But it is frustrating for a menopause brain, I'm telling you.

      

For years I have used the moniker "Purrkitten" for various reasons:  login ID, passwords (don't even try it),  computer node names, etc.  When I set up this website for my blog, I started getting some "interest" from, how shall I say this, people who thought this might be a more "risqué" venture.  Needless to say, this was not my intent.  Sorry, folks, no porn here.  No need to censor out any pornography from Purrkitten.

However, I have been watching, reading, and listening to reports that colleges and employers now go out into the virtual world and see what kind of material folks post about their lives.  So you won't find any shots of me drinking heavily (FYI - I don't drink), or partying (oh yeah, I don't do drugs either) - but they may find out my political views and that I have a bit of a biting, cynical outlook on life.  And I tend to be very analytical and speak my mind.  I like to think those are qualities that an employer or college would like to have in an employee or student.  And if the occasional curse word slips out - excuse me.  I'm also a human being.

So if big brother is lurking - howdy!  I hope you enjoy my rantings and they help you get to know me better.  Hope it doesn't hurt my chances of getting into your school or getting a job with your organization.  If it does - well, I guess that's just karma.  Call me and I'll explain that one to you.

      

It's a rare day these days that I post two entries, but I got this email from a friend that had a letter written by a woman named Wendi Aarons.  A quick Google found her blog, and I had to share it.  Now I have to tell you that I've had surgical alteration where this is no longer an issue, but there was a day where I could TOTALLY relate to every word she writes.  Enjoy!

      

When I get home from school, I'm usually rolling in just about in time to tune into the repeats of "Two and Half Men" on one of the local TV stations.  This is something I absolutely live for these days.  I will forego using the bathroom on the way home just to make it home in time to watch these shows (they have back to back episodes) for the comedic relief.  I think I am completely addicted to "Two and Half Men".  Even if I have seen the shows before, I will watch them again, and laugh AGAIN.  The benefits of short term memory loss during menopause I guess.

Chuck Lorre is some kind of strange and evil comedy genius.  I think I knew it from watching the show, but I am really sure of it from reading his vanity cards at the end of the show.  I have a DVR, so I can pause the frame and read them in detail.  I need to have a blog #111 like his vanity card #111 that says "I don't have anything to say today, so I'm repeating this blog".  But that assumes that I have the same writing talent that he does, which I don't.  Sometimes I laugh as hard at the vanity cards as I do at the show.  If you  haven't seen them, please check them out.  They are a riot.  He says things in these cards that I have been thinking, but haven't said.  Like why poetry and song is so non-linear and difficult to understand.  He commented on Dylan's "Blowin' in the Wind": 

When Bob Dylan sang, quite assertively, that "the answer was blowin' in the wind," I knew it was not. The only thing blowin' in the wind was wind, dirt, leaves and miscellaneous crap light enough to become temporarily airborne. Not that I could share this with anyone. It was not for me to question the voice of my generation. But privately I always thought it would have been a better song if he simply told us what the 'answer' was. ("How many roads must a man walk down, before they could call him a man?" Nine. Six if he jogs.)

Exactly.  How much more simple could it be?  This is why I don't know the words to so many songs of my youth.  They just don't make any sense.  But they have nice rhythms and guitar solos.

      

It's spring break - at least at one of the school campuses that I'm currently attending.  I'm exhausted, and I've been napping every chance I get.  The title of this entry deserves an explanation.  I'm taking a class in medical terminology which breaks everything down into word parts.  "A" means "without", "blog" is a blog (duh), and "ia" means "condition".  So the new word I have created "ablogia", means "condition without blog" which is what is happening during this semester while I am studying so damn much.  I just haven't had time to write my thoughts here as much as I would like.  I'm nearly brain dead from all this studying, and the semester is only half over as of spring break.  Medical terminology and anatomy & physiology is not for the feint of heart.

But just two more months, then I can put it all behind me and say "I accomplished this!".  Then maybe I'll go back to being an accountant when it's all said and done.  How sad is that?

      

I've been watching and reading some news (when I have time, school is keeping me very busy) and I'm fascinated by the state of the Republican party right now.  There was recently a conservative conference where one of the keynote speaker was, of all people, Rush Limbaugh - he is now the voice of the conservative movement???  The Republicans are really in trouble.

I listen to what they have to say and try to find something to agree with, and I think I found something that I like.  The stimulus package could have been broken down into smaller pieces and looked at as individual components.  It would have made it more transparent and easier to understand.  Also, it would have given Republicans an opportunity to support parts of it (not that they would have) and not other parts.

As for the complaints about having the legislative leaders (Pelosi et al) write the stimulus bill:  isn't that what legislators are supposed to do, write and introduce laws to the legislature?  Basic civics 101 folks.

I'm just as worried as the next guy that the stimulus plan is going to work, but the Republicans tried trickle down economics for years and it has failed us.  Now it's time to try "stimulation" economics:  let the little guy buy stuff to stimulate the companies to hire people to support the demand, thus making money increasing stock value for investors who happen to be retirement and college savers.  What a concept.

      

Have you ever met someone that makes you think "Geez, I'm freakin' Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm compared to this poor guy!"?  Well, I recently have met such a person.  And he wears rubber gloves.  Actually, I think they may be latex - I'm not quite sure, and I'm certainly not sure why he was wearing them.

This guy's name is Reggie and he runs the multimedia lab at the community college where I am currently attending.  I vacillate between wanting to strangle him, feeling sorry for him, and having empathy for him.  Don't get me wrong, I don't spend a lot of time thinking about him, but he does come up in conversation a lot among the Anatomy & Physiology students because we have to deal with him if we want to use the multimedia lab for extra credit.

The other day, I requested a CD to use for my assignment, and before he would give it to me, he put on a pair of latex gloves to take my student ID, retrieve the CD, and hand the CD to me.  Maybe he is afraid of my germs?  I've heard of people who have this kind of concern.  Maybe he was afraid of giving me his germs?  Hmmm....  I simply don't know.

At the beginning of the semester, we all had to go through an "orientation" that was supposed to tell us how to use the lab.  It really was more of a "what not to do, or else I'll be pissed as hell".  The minutiae of actually using the lab was not included in the discussion, like how to get a user ID if you are new student on campus (I was and couldn't get into the system), or the fact that you needed a print card to print the assignments (he says he mentioned it, no student remembers hearing it).  The orientation included a great deal of discussion about pushing in chairs to prevent injury to blind students who might trip over them.  Apparently the blind student situation comes up more frequently than, say, printing our assignments, or trying to sign into the system.  The lab was actually designed to be a blind person's obstacle course, we just use it as a computer multimedia lab as an auxiliary purpose.

I can easily say that Reggie could have an article written about him titled "My Most Unforgettable Character", but I don't think Reader's Digest would print it.

      

I got this from my niece.  This kind of tells you a lot about my "family of origin".  But it does say a lot about a lot of things.  Enough said.  Enjoy!

      

A while back, I started jotting my thoughts about things that I believe in - or don't believe in, as it were.  I had a bit of brain tickle the other day.  I keep getting faced with folks and their religious beliefs.  Don't get me wrong, this is a free country and everyone has a right to believe whatever they want.  I was raised in a household where we went to church every Sunday.  But we didn't get into people's faces about it.  These days, that seems to be the way some folks want to "do" religion.  They knock on doors, they make laws based on their beliefs - we even have "faith based" religious offices within the government!

I am absolutely fascinated by religion.  I've actually spent some of my adult time in church, and found it not to my liking for various reasons.  I've studied it a bit on my own, and in formal settings.  Here is my conclusion:  it's not that I don't believe in God or some higher being.  This is totally between me and that being, whether it be a he, she, or it.  What I don't believe very much in is the people who believe in God.  So many bad things have been done in the name of God - but they have been done by people in the name of God.  We are such an imperfect species.

So please, keep your religious beliefs to yourself, unless you just want to have a nice polite theoretical discussion.  I might find an academic discussion about the history of your religion interesting.  But please don't try to convert me.  And don't try to legislate your religion.  And if you already have (think proposition 8), please reconsider what you have done.  Thanks.

Update 3/4/2009:

I found this quote in some of my random reading and it seemed appropriate for this blog entry.  This is a quote from Ghandi:

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."

Amen.