I've talked a bit about the effects that I think that Topamax has had on my cognitive functioning.  I've also had a chance to consult with an expert in the field of neuropsychology about how the brain and mind works during the aging process.  Here is a surprise (no joke here) - the brain starts slowing down as early as our 30's!  That simply sucks.  I mean really - isn't that kind of a cruel joke?  Just when I get smart enough and have enough experience, my mind can no longer keep up with it all?  I've always said that about physical energy.  It always seemed like energy was wasted on 2 and 3 year-olds.  Think of what a 50-year-old could do with that energy.  The world would be a different place.  So now I have to face the reality that my mind works slower than it did 20 years ago.  Just plain sucks.

This is so obvious to me being in a college environment.  These kids are physically and cognitively agile.  Some of them choose to use it to the fullest extent.  Others are a tad lazy.  Then I see us middle-agers, trying harder to keep up.  As my father (who now has dementia) has said to me "life simply is not fair".

So in my world, I lean back and reflect on what I have that the whipper-snappers don't have.  My car runs and is paid off.  I have a beautiful home and a small mortgage.  I am financially secure.  I know who I am in so many ways that I didn't know when I was 25.  I don't have to worry about getting pregnant.  Or not getting pregnant (take your pick).  I can afford to go out to eat just about anywhere I choose.  I am secure enough in myself that I don't need to shop to make myself look, feel, act, or in anyway seem better.  I'm not afraid to change my mind about my opinions on important issues.  I know my flaws, and although I don't like them, I've learned to live with most of them.

The moral of this story is that there is some parts of being in my 20's that I would like back.  But what I have achieved in knowledge and experience in my life, I would never trade in.  But damn, I wish I could still go through my day without wanting a nap!